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Crappuccino

Kopi luwak, otherwise known as civet coffee, motit coffee, kape alamid, kafé laku, weasel coffee...call it what you will, it is one of the most expensive varieties of coffee in the world. Depending on where you buy it & what variety you choose, prices range from $100-$600 per pound & up to $3,000 per pound for the Vietnamese "weasel coffee." Kopi luwak is the shit in more ways than one & has an interesting history.

In the mid-1800s the Dutch forbade native farmers & workers in the Dutch East Indies colonies to pick coffee fruit from the plantations for their own use. The natives found a way around this prohibition though. Certain species of civet would eat the ripe coffee fruits, but did not digest the seeds, & so the natives would go around collecting these civet turds, would clean the beans, roast & grind them to make coffee.

Basically, when a civet eats the coffee fruit the beans ferment in its intestines & makes the resulting coffee milder, less bitter, with a more "aromatic" flavor. This is similar to how cocoa beans are left to ferment for up to eight days before they're processed. But if cocoa beans were harvested from cat turds, I seriously doubt that I'd eat any chocolate.

I want to see the generic brand of this come out. Something like Krappy Low-ACK! the low-cal version, or Cat Ass Coffee. Word is that Juan Valdez is hard at work (or his donkey is) on a new blend called Caca de Burro. The Home Shopping Network could even sell do-it-yourself kits. For just two easy payments of $19.95 you can have your own Kitty Coffee starter kit: includes one kitten, a five pound sack of coffee cherries & a litterbox. Get your coffee fresh from the source! (meow) There are chemically simulated versions like "Magic Cat" for $15.99 per pound.

A few other related facts: Early on, civet musk was used as the binding agent in perfumes. Lab manufactured chemicals serve the purpose now, but people used to rub civet booty juice on themselves to smell good. SARS has also been traced back to civets, which probably was passed to them by infected bats. Kopi muncak is coffee beans harvested from the crap of barking deer found throughout Southeast Asia. (The Indian muncak has the lowest number of chromosomes in any mammal.) And then there is argan oil used for massage, for cooking & for aphrodisiac effects -maybe in that order. Berbers encourage goats to climb these weird looking trees & eat the olive-like fruit, then they harvest the pits from the goat pellets & grind them for the oil.

As for the kopi luwak, it's supposed to taste really great. I'll have to take their word for it. Sewer rats might taste like sweet potato pie, but I'll never know that for certain, either. Not happening.
1 comments:

Maybe I could get started on making this generic brand of coffee for you! >: ) Bwa ha ha, you know I could make it very interesting from a marketing prospective.....cant guarantee on the taste though, unless I perhaps ask MIYAGI for help. (??) Yes, I shall ask. :P

Now my mind is on coffee and the like. I am not the average Starbucks customer for sure LOL because my "favorite" and my "usual" is believe it or not, simply a doubleshot of straight espresso. Nothing more, nothing less. Sip and enjoy. The End!

Yes, its very bitter but not bad. Gets the job done and I have the energy required to do whatever Im facing at that moment. :P

However, I did get a chance to meet a friend of mine's parents this year who are visiting from Aleppo, SYRIA. His mother made these little teacups of "coffee" for everyone, but they were tiny teacups like kids play teaparty with.... along with matching fancy saucers. I was being told from my friend that their coffee was quite different than American coffee, they all expected me not to like it for some reason. (Despite my straight-no chaser-Espresso shots?)

So she fixes a mini-teacup and saucer for everyone with their coffee, and since I was a guest she explained that if I was visiting her home in Syria I would get the special cup and saucer that only gets brought out for guests. Sure enough, I had a nice heavy one with beautiful designs and thick shiny gold rim around the saucer plus along the opening of the cup. It was a cute, yet actually unique and beautiful little set up. :)

The coffee was intended to be sipped slowly, and then you would be left with this sludge- like stuff in the bottom of your cup. Certain people could choose to eat this part and get a huge amount of energy/good feeling, which most people did although some chose to only drink the coffee itself....of course I went ahead and cleared out the cup of black sand-like sludge which coated the bottom and sides. There was a lot of it. And seriously, whatever this stuff was, it was like a kick in the brain. LOL.

A GOOD kick in the brain, anyway. :P

Too bad they invited me over for coffee at the end of my day....I didn't sleep a wink that night. It was definitely more than just coffee.

She was supposed to email the recipe to me, she cooks all of it using nothing but her stove- she boils water in a small pot and then has the coffee come in somewhere (??) I would assume. But Ill definitely make some on my own! (LOL)


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Steven Farris is a prisoner who has been incarcerated since a month after his 16th birthday in 1998. Currently serving a life sentence without the possibility for parole, he is seeking to educate the public about the true nature of prison and the widespread and negative effects of the prison industrial complex. Steven has worked with both the National Prison Project of the ACLU, as well as the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund in furthering this effort.

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Steven Farris #R5580
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P.O. Box 1889
Woodville, MS 39669-1889

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